“Wow, this person is really smart.”

Story time!

A friend and I were recently catching up on some exciting life updates over Thai food in the back of an Irish pub in London. (Yep, this is a thing.)  Notably, we had both recently had conversations with mentors about how we could push ourselves to develop new professional skills.

Somewhat out of the blue, he asked me, “Is there someone you’ve spent time with - had dinner with or hung out with for an hour - who has made you think, “Wow, this person is really smart?”

This question struck me. It made me think, and I told him that I needed a minute to reflect. It was a question that merited the strongest, most genuine answer possible.

In the meantime, while I pondered, I flipped it back onto him. I was curious to hear if he had anyone in mind who had made an impression on him. He told me about a man who he had met at a dinner, who he could tell was always thinking 10 steps ahead. His background was in tech sales, and since the evening they met a few years ago, he had moved around to help different startups and scaleups in emerging tech markets grow. It was clear that my friend really admired how forward-thinking this person was and how passionate he was about chasing technological frontiers.

Interestingly, I took a completely different approach to the question. The person that came to mind for me was a rabbi that I had spent 5 weeks studying Torah with in Israel when I was 17 years old. To me, what made him so smart and left a lasting impression wasn’t his knowledge of sacred texts or his religious guidance; it was his ability to see elements of people’s characters that they couldn’t see themselves and articulate those traits back to them. He was a gifted empath.

Diving into the question

This is what I like to call a question that keeps on giving. Not only was the question itself thought-provoking and fascinating, but both of our answers to the same question were so vastly different that it taught us a great deal about each other. My friend’s answer made it clear to me that he most admires those who think deeply to excel in business; my answer made it clear that I most admire those who invest effort into understanding others. 

There are so many ways to interpret this question because there are many different ways to evaluate “intelligence.” And the best part is that there is no wrong answer. One person can value deep knowledge of one subject, whereas another person can value cursory knowledge of countless random subjects. One person can value emotional consciousness, whereas another person can value artistic skill. Listening to someone’s answer to this question says so much about who they are and what they care most about when they interact with others.

Furthermore, it gives a strong indication of what they aspire to be and achieve as they live their life. 

In this case, asking the other to talk about  somebody else gave us both great insight into ourselves as individuals. Bear in mind, however, that this interaction by no means says that I don’t care much about being an ambitious businessperson and my friend doesn’t value empathy. It simply shows that there are certain traits in others that we happen to notice a bit more than others.

What made this question so effective?

• Talking about someone else  ✅

• Usually, you may think that the key to understanding someone else is to ask them questions about them. But in this case, asking them to talk about somebody they admire says volumes about them. Especially if you’re just getting to know somebody who is shy, they are more likely to share a great deal of information about another person in their life than they are to open about themselves. This is a great way to learn intimate details about someone’s character without coming across as being too nosy. 

• Tons of acceptable answers  ✅

• There is no one right answer to this question, and practically every answer is equally respectable.

• It’s not asking about celebrities or polarizing figures  ✅

• This question is specifically asking you to think about someone in your life who has made an impression on you. It doesn’t need to be someone famous or flashy; the question asker isn’t asking you to brag about the time you were invited to some fancy dinner with the King of so-and-so-country. It’s simply an opportunity to reflect on otherwise “regular” people who you admire. By removing the shock factor of bringing up a celebrity, you can focus on really understanding the character traits that the other person values. 

Disclaimers and notes:

• Be aware that there are multiple layers to people’s answers to this question. 

• The strength of this question comes from reading between the lines. Sure, it might be interesting to get distracted by how your conversation partner got invited to that fancy gala where they met the person who they admire most. But you will learn substantially more by listening to how they describe the person and the character traits that stood out to them.